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This is my impression of a tv show street party scene scored by a composer from the 90s. #TexasSharpshooterFallacy
You threw a golf ball at me. But I saw that coming, so I had a tennis racquet handy. Then you threw a running chainsaw at me. But I saw it coming, so I had a plexiglass safety cage handy. I see that rabid ferret behind your back... I’ll be in the car.
Holy smoldering tenor sax, Batman!! You want to set a mood? This is your track! It just keeps building and building! The sheet music for this recording is a post-it that says "noodle in F Minor." Such is the power of a real musician! You can just give them notes like that... and get music like this!
Did you ever wake up one day and think, "I should write an entire soundtrack treatment for a reboot of an early 90s tv action-drama that will probably never get produced!" Of course you didn't. No worries. I got you. If they do reboot "Miami Vice," I want to capture the crappy synthetic feel of the era, but with more natural sound. There are drum machines in here that were placed on a stage, put through amps, recorded on microphones, then digitally processed to sound more like drum machines. You’re welcome.
This is the Miami Nights main theme motive, but really quite sad. You know what's awesome? This "string synth" is 8 actual cellos and 12 violas... multi-tracked 4 times. Technology! So much power, you can't help but abuse it!
Griggs! I've been poisoned! You gotta get me the antidote! Then you gotta get... like a crane, or something to lift this truck off me! She dropped a truck on me, Griggs!!! Then, if you could find me a decent deal on high speed internet - that would be great! The plans are all too confusing, and I do NOT WANT CABLE TV OR TELEPHONES! Can you believe anyone still has telephones, Griggs? Griggs??!!?
Just your average, run-of-the-mill tension filler music... Or IS it!? Yeah, it pretty much is. This does feature a poorly played guitar synth, though... so it is a stand-out in that way. If you were here for tension-building music, you already have this piece... Move along.
RUN! It is the Hemiola Monster!!!! We just need to get to the bar! It doesn't seem to want to cross the bar! Oh my GOD! It has friends!! No wait, that's just a standard clave pattern... (no, I'm not explaining this description OR what is wrong with my head.)
It hurts my brain to switch from english words to symbols. Try to read these words and symbols out loud quickly: hyphen-slash-backslash/dash/-\hyphen//hashtag_octothorpe#- Crazy, right? That had nothing to do with this piece of music. I'm just sharing.
This is my favorite piece that perfectly captures a slightly grown-up sound, but still sounds like a 1990s-era action-drama. Old Way: Synthesized Electric Piano New Way: Actual EP Recordings that are built into virtual instruments that are then put through a lot of processors to make them SOUND like Synthesized Electric Pianos. Old Way: Synthesized Ocarina New Way: Assemble recordings of an ocarina player, and then make a virtual instrument that captures beautiful expression and legato lines... turn off all that fancy stuff and play it like a crappy synth.
This one got turned up to 11. I started producing this as a parody... then I really started liking it, so I guess it is a pastiche now? Oh, man... I wish there was an allowance for pastiche in copyright like there is for parody.
I say! It is such a lovely brisk day! Aren't the horses lovely? I mean... look at all the horseness they have! They are scoring quite high on the horse-o-meters today! Nothing bovine on this street, Nay! ... ... ... Wait... I was trying to make a joke involving a horse's "neigh" combined with the archaic positive/negative usage of "nay". Then everything went wrong, and I said almost the opposite of the intention. So, without the joke: Picture a street where the only animals are the horsiest of horses... No cows or pigs. Okay, there are two dogs... but one of them is pretty small... and you can see a cat in one of the windows... but MOSTLY horses. If you added up the weights of all the non-horse, non-humans in the picture, they would weigh less than one horse.
This is the music playing at the slightly-too-nice cafe - while you pretend to be rational while discussing who gets to keep which snakes in the divorce. I mean, the snakes don't really seem to care... they just hang out in the drawers most of the time. And you kind of really want to keep Alice, the piebald ball python... she's really photogenic, but she is kind of a jerk.
You're looking for the low-down, huh? That's going to take lettuce. You want the dope? the scoop? the skinny? Ten bucks a day plus expenses. No negotiations. I ain't no fourth-rate gumshoe - but a ducky shincracker like you already knew that... Out of curiosity, what's the word for people who overuse slang?
1960s club-style jazz. This pairs well with the White Russian cocktail and a Lucky Strike. Also pretty decent for establishing shots, and anything sci-fi that has a retro party.