Hey buddy, that is quite the sack of onions you have! If I had a sack of onions like that, I'd be happier than a tree on Arbor Day! Everyone wants to get their hand in an onion sack like that.
Me? I like a nice purple onion, but you don't get to pick favorites when you got your hand in an onion sack. A big yellow one can feel like a little purple one. You won't know 'til you pull it out, and by then you already got yourself an onion.
I know most folks don't want strangers mucking about in unfamiliar onion sacks these days, so I'll be on my way. But, that is quite the sack of onions you have.
To perform the monolog "Onion Capers" at your school or event, speak the words out loud at your school or event.